New Year, New Goals, New Me!

The time has come. I've officially become the owner and recipient of Insulin shots. I'm very surprised to see how easy this will be. One is only at night, once, and 10 units. The other is 15 minutes before I eat, 5 units. Pretty simple, if you ask me. Although the cost was anything but simple. I couldn't believe how much it was! $110 for the pens and needles, and this is only a one month supply!!! I've pretty much determined that there will never be a "cure" for diabetes, because too many health facilities and drug companies make their money off of it. It'll never "go away" because of that. . .

In other news, I'm the proud new owner of a fitbit flex, that I had gotten for Christmas. Can I just say that I ABSOLUTELY love it!!! It tracks movement and sleep patterns, and is helpful in seeing your activity levels. There are group forums that you can chat with others on, add others as friends, etc. For example, here are my activity levels since Christmas:

What this shows you is how many steps I've taken each day, and it calculates that I've walked 8.77 miles in that time. Pretty neat :) The fitbit then syncs with MyFitnessPal, which is an app that I absolutely love, and helps me track calories in (with foods that I log), and calories out (with the FitBit tracker). It does take into account my MBR (You still burn calories even if you are sedentary or sleeping. We estimate your calorie burn based on your age, gender, height, and weight.) So, instead of getting "free" calories burnt, it accounts for, "Hey, you'd probably burn this much just to stay alive, so you're not really doing anything 'extra' right now." I think it's great because it makes me more accountable, and makes me really have to work for it, haha. I've gotten to the point now where if I know I'm under my steps count, I find excuses to get up and start moving. Last night, I went onto the treadmill for 10 minutes just to get in a few extra steps. One of my favorite windows, however, shows you how many calories in and how many you've burned for each day:

 

The lighter green is the amount of calories I've burned and the darker green is the amount of calories I've taken in. . . Basically, it's showing you that I've been burning like crazy, but have to work a little harder today :)

 

There are lots of new changes, but that's okay- this is a new year, a new me :)

 

Finally! One Answer!

I forgot to post about something that was actually a bit of GOOD news tonight! Without going into graphic details, lets just say that I've been having some MAJOR reactions to foods lately. I've been cutting out foods trying to figure out what is going on- an allergy? sensitivity? too acidic? too fatty? I've cut out most breads/pastas and stopped drinking dairy milk or eating a lot of cheese. I finally asked Doc, and he told me I have "Gastroparesis." So, I googled.

What is gastroparesis?

Gastroparesis, also called delayed gastric emptying, is a disorder that slows or stops the movement of food from the stomach to the small intestine. Normally, the muscles of the stomach, which are controlled by the vagus nerve, contract to break up food and move it through the gastrointestinal (GI) tract. The GI tract is a series of hollow organs joined in a long, twisting tube from the mouth to the anus. The movement of muscles in the GI tract, along with the release of hormones and enzymes, allows for the digestion of food. Gastroparesis can occur when the vagus nerve is damaged by illness or injury and the stomach muscles stop working normally. Food then moves slowly from the stomach to the small intestine or stops moving altogether.

What causes gastroparesis?

Most people diagnosed with gastroparesis have idiopathic gastroparesis, which means a health care provider cannot identify the cause, even with medical tests. Diabetes is the most common known cause of gastroparesis. People with diabetes have high levels of blood glucose, also called blood sugar. Over time, high blood glucose levels can damage the vagus nerve. Other identifiable causes of gastroparesis include intestinal surgery and nervous system diseases such as Parkinson’s disease or multiple sclerosis. For reasons that are still unclear, gastroparesis is more commonly found in women than in men.

What are the symptoms of gastroparesis?

The most common symptoms of gastroparesis are nausea, a feeling of fullness after eating only a small amount of food, and vomiting undigested food—sometimes several hours after a meal. Other symptoms of gastroparesis include

• gastroesophageal reflux (GER), also called acid reflux or acid regurgitation—a condition in which stomach contents flow back up into the esophagus, the organ that connects the mouth to the stomach
• pain in the stomach area
• abdominal bloating
• lack of appetite

Symptoms may be aggravated by eating greasy or rich foods, large quantities of foods with fiber—such as raw fruits and vegetables—or drinking beverages high in fat or carbonation. Symptoms may be mild or severe, and they can occur frequently in some people and less often in others. The symptoms of gastroparesis may also vary in intensity over time in the same individual. Sometimes gastroparesis is difficult to diagnose because people experience a range of symptoms similar to those of other diseases.

Well, that kind of sucks. But, here's the worst part:

How is gastroparesis treated?

Treatment of gastroparesis depends on the severity of the person’s symptoms. In most cases, treatment does not cure gastroparesis, which is usually a chronic, or long-lasting, condition. Gastroparesis is also a relapsing condition—the symptoms can come and go for periods of time. Treatment helps people manage the condition so they can be as comfortable and active as possible.

Eating, Diet, and Nutrition

Changing eating habits can sometimes help control the severity of gastroparesis symptoms. A health care provider may suggest eating six small meals a day instead of three large ones. If less food enters the stomach each time a person eats, the stomach may not become overly full, allowing it to empty more easily. Chewing food well, drinking noncarbonated liquids with a meal, and walking or sitting for 2 hours after a meal—instead of lying down—may assist with gastric emptying.
A health care provider may also recommend avoiding high-fat and fibrous foods. Fat naturally slows digestion and some raw vegetables and fruits are more difficult to digest than other foods. Some foods, such as oranges and broccoli, contain fibrous parts that do not digest well. People with gastroparesis should minimize their intake of large portions of these foods because the undigested parts may remain in the stomach too long. Sometimes, the undigested parts form bezoars.
When a person has severe symptoms, a liquid or puréed diet may be prescribed. As liquids tend to empty more quickly from the stomach, some people may find a puréed diet helps improve symptoms. Puréed fresh or cooked fruits and vegetables can be incorporated into shakes and soups. A health care provider may recommend a dietitian to help a person plan meals that minimize symptoms and ensure all nutritional needs are met.

How is gastroparesis treated if a person has diabetes?

An elevated blood glucose level directly interferes with normal stomach emptying, so good blood glucose control in people with diabetes is important. However, gastroparesis can make blood glucose control difficult. When food that has been delayed in the stomach finally enters the small intestine and is absorbed, blood glucose levels rise. Gastric emptying is unpredictable with gastroparesis, causing a person’s blood glucose levels to be erratic and difficult to control.
The primary treatment goals for gastroparesis related to diabetes are to improve gastric emptying and regain control of blood glucose levels. In addition to the dietary changes and treatments already described, a health care provider will likely adjust the person’s insulin regimen.
To better control blood glucose, people with diabetes and gastroparesis may need to

• take insulin more often or change the type of insulin they take
• take insulin after meals, instead of before
• check blood glucose levels frequently after eating and administer insulin when necessary

A health care provider will give specific instructions for taking insulin based on the individual’s needs and the severity of gastroparesis.
In some cases, the dietitian may suggest eating several liquid or puréed meals a day until gastroparesis symptoms improve and blood glucose levels are more stable.

Not all bad, but not all good either. 


But, for once, it's nice to understand WHY something is happening.

When Nightmares Become Reality

I had a follow up appointment with my primary physician tonight. He was glad to hear that I'll be seeing a new Endocrinologist, and didn't have much to say when I told him that I really did not like the nurse practitioner at the first office that I had visited. I showed him a screen shot of my sugar pattern lately, which looks little bit like a breathing chart (with massive spikes and falls). Here's what he saw:

If you're not diabetic, you may not understand, so let me explain. This is a graph of my blood sugar readings. I test upwards of 4 times per day - when I wake up, after breakfast, after lunch, and after dinner or right before bed, depending on how it's going. Some of these readings are on the same day (they're really close together). The magic number that I was shooting for was 120. You can see that the lowest I had ever gotten was 158. The highest was 358, or, in other words, 3 times what it should have been. Yuck!

He looked at me and asked, "So, why aren't you on Insulin?" I laughed and said, "Well, you're the doctor, you tell me."

I kind of knew we were headed here. I'm not happy about it though. I know it's hard to understand, and a lot of people think that I'm overreacting. But, let me explain. I've been cutting back on foods, exercising more, and calorie/carb counting like it's no one's business. I've been taking my meds regularly and testing my sugars regularly. I feel like I'm doing everything I could (okay, maybe not everything, but pretty close) and I feel like I have failed myself. The fact is that I can't fix what's wrong with me. I can't fix my sugar. Maybe I could have done more. I know I could have. Maybe I had too many cheat meals. Maybe I waited too long before taking it serious. I have let down... myself. The hardest realization is when you know that you have done nothing but mess with your own results and have let yourself down.

This all being said, now I'm being placed on insulin. The first will be "Lantus." Here's what I've learned about it tonight:
Lantus gives a steady release of insulin overnight and between meals to help control blood sugar for a full 24 hours.
Prefilled pen, uses a small, thin needle
Push button injection  (similar to Byetta or Victoza, both of which I've taken before).

The second insulin injection that I'll be on is "Humalog." This is a shorter action insulin that I'll take before each meal. This will help combat some of the spiking of my sugar, especially after eating.

It's a new journey, and a long road ahead. I can't say that I'm looking forward to this, but I am looking forward to feeling "normal" again and maybe not so tired and sluggish all the time.

My appointment with the new endo is in January, so that'll be a new journey as well, and we'll see what he has to offer.

4 things God wants you to remember when life gets hard.

Here are a few things I’ve learned to remember in those challenging seasons of life that have helped me and I pray they help you as well!
1. Remember that your Character should always be stronger than your Circumstances.
We can’t always control what happens to us, but we can always control how we choose to respond. In those moments when I choose to stop complaining and instead give thanks to God for the good in my life, the parts that seem bad start to seem much less significant. Choose to keep a positive attitude and thankful heart regardless of what you’re going through.
“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
2. Remember that your Struggles always lead to Strength.
Every difficulty in your life, whether big or small, is something God will use to produce more strength, faith and perseverance in you if you let Him! All your pain has a purpose.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
3. Remember that God’s timing is always perfect.
God’s plans are almost always different from our plans, but His plans are always perfect! Have the patience to wait on His timing instead of forcing your own.
“For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord; plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
4. Remember that God will never leave your side.
You may feel like you’re going through this struggle all alone, but from the moment you ask Jesus to bring you into God’s family, He will be by your side to the end so never lose hope!
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

Courtesy of: http://davewillis.org/4-things-god-wants-you-to-remember-when-life-gets-hard/ 

On the Road Again...

I received a call the other day from my new health care network asking to make an appointment with an endocrinologist. I guess they didn't receive the memo that I had visited one already. At any rate, I took this as an opportunity to get ready to visit someone new and to really (hopefully!) reach out and take hold of my health and my diabetes. I'm hoping to get some new answers and to really get going in a positive path. So here we are, on the road again...

Cut the Guilt out of Your Diet

Today, November 14th, is recognized as World Diabetes Day.

I have made a pledge today in relation to my Diabetes. I pledge to walk 15 minutes after each meal. That's it. I am not setting a goal about pace, length, or process- only duration. 15 minutes. I want to get into this habit to help break into other, better, habits.

I read something online today, and I immediately stopped to reflect:

"When you have diabetes, food is hard. Food is math. Food is guilt."

 

As a Type 2, this is so very accurate. Food is hard. What will set off my sugar levels? What has hidden sugars? What carbs will kill me later on? Am I eating too much fat? Too little protein? Too much starch? And with those questions comes the next reality: Food is MATH. Hello, world, there's a reason why I teach ENGLISH!! I've been using the phone app "My Fitness Pal" and I do have to admit that it's been eye opening. Certain foods are so much worse than I realized. One of my biggest realizations is that I often would drink my calories in my Starbucks yummy drinks. Since I'm working at home this year, it's been easy to cut out, but boy did that cause some raised eyebrows!

 

But the biggest of these is that "food is guilt."

 

When I was first diagnosed as a T2, my first thought was, "Great. I am a statistic. I'm a fat-American statistic. I did this to myself."  I covered myself in guilt for what I could have changed and what I should have done differently. Living in the past doesn't help and doesn't change anything. Instead, it's important to keep moving forward. I can't change the fact that I'm here. But I can make better and healthier choices in the future to change where I'll BE.

 

So, if you're anything like me, Cut The Guilt out of your Diet. Stop beating yourself up.

 

And today, World Diabetes Day, make one small change to your lifestyle to better yourself. You can get some ideas for what to cut out here: http://www.diabeticconnect.com/diabetes-awareness-month 

Endocrinology Exams

I've been doing some more research. I'm back with a vengeance, and ready to find a new doctor- someone that will LISTEN to me, not TALK AT me. I'm ready for someone who has a "let's fix this" attitude, not just a "let's mask it" mentality. I've gotten some recommendations, and I'm doing my research. Here's what I found endocrinologists typically examine:

1. 24 hour urine collection test
In this test, the patient's urine is collected over a 24-hour period, and tested for the amount of hormones in the urine.
Doctors use 24-hour urine collection tests to measure the levels of various hormones in a patient's body. If a doctor suspects a patient may have Cushing's syndrome, a condition in which the adrenal glands produce too much cortisol, the doctor will test the collected urine for cortisol. More than 50??100 micrograms of cortisol a day for an adult suggest the patient may have Cushing's syndrome.

2. ACTH Stimulation Test
ACTH is a hormone made by the pituitary gland that tells the outer part of the adrenal gland to produce hormones such as cortisol. An ACTH stimulation test measures levels of cortisol in your blood before and after you are given a synthetic form of ACTH. The test can help a doctor tell if a patient's adrenal and pituitary glands are normal. It is often used when a doctor suspects a patient has an adrenal gland disorder, such as Addison's disease.

3. Bone Density Test
A bone density test uses X-rays to show if a person's bones have lost tissue and minerals. It is a common test for evaluating osteoporosis, a condition which causes bones to become less dense and weaken. The most common, and accurate, bone density test is dual X-ray absorptiometry.
A doctor may recommend a bone density test for anyone at risk for osteoporosis, even if the person has no symptoms of the condition. The National Osteoporosis Foundation recommends that any woman 65 or older has a bone density test. Early detection of osteoporosis can help keep the condition from getting worse.
A doctor may perform several bone density tests during the course of a patient's treatment, to see how the bones are reacting to the treatment.

4. CRH Stimulation Test
The CRH stimulation test can help a doctor determine what is causing a drop or rise in a patient's adrenal hormones. CRH (corticotropin-releasing hormone) is a naturally-occurring hormone which causes the pituitary gland to secrete the hormone ACTH. ACTH tells the outer part of the adrenal gland to produce hormones such as cortisol.
A CRH stimulation test measures levels of cortisol in your blood before and after you are given a synthetic form of CRH. The test is often used when a doctor suspects a patient has too few or too many adrenal hormones, caused by a disorder such as Cushing's syndrome. The way a patient's cortisol levels respond to the test can tell a doctor if the problem is with the pituitary glands, the hypothalamus, or the adrenal glands.

5. Dexamethasone Suppression Test
A dexamethasone suppression test can help a doctor learn the cause of a patient having high levels of the hormone cortisol. The doctor gives the patient dexamethasone, a synthetic version of cortisol, and checks the patient's urine to see how his or her body responds.
The test is often used when a doctor suspects that a patient has too many adrenal hormones, caused by a disorder such as Cushing's syndrome. The way a patient's cortisol levels respond to the test can tell a doctor if the problem is due to a pituitary tumor, or another cause.

6. Fine-Needle Aspiration Biopsy
In fine-needle aspiration biopsy, a doctor uses a small needle to remove a sample of cells from a thyroid nodule (a lump or growth on the thyroid gland). The sample is then sent to a lab to determine whether the nodule is malignant (cancerous).

7. Five Day Glucose Sensor Test (For Diabetics)
A five-day glucose sensor test uses a small sensor and an electronic recorder to monitor a diabetes patient's blood sugar (glucose) levels. The test allows a doctor to find patterns in a patient's blood sugar levels, and discover ways to prevent episodes of hypoglycemia (low blood sugar).
People with diabetes must regularly measure their blood sugar levels. A patient typically obtains a drop of blood from a fingertip, and feeds a special strip into a handheld meter, to measure his or her blood sugar level. By doing this, a person with diabetes will soon be able to predict which foods raise or lower those levels.
A five-day glucose sensor test can show blood sugar trends over an extended time. A special sensor painlessly measures blood sugar levels every five minutes, and sends the data to an electronic recorder worn on the belt. This allows a doctor to fine-tune a patient's insulin type or dosage, and make changes to a patient's diet.
A doctor most often recommends a five-day glucose sensor test if he or she suspects that a patient has episodes of dangerously low blood sugar levels (hypoglycemia). The test can measure blood sugar levels at night, when a patient is unable to do manual tests.

8. Oral Glucose Tolerance Test
An oral glucose tolerance test helps a doctor diagnose diabetes. It is often used to check for gestational diabetes, a condition that some women develop during the late stages of pregnancy. The test measures a person's ability to process glucose, the sugar that is used by the body as fuel. After the patient drinks a glucose solution, the doctor checks the patient's blood sugar levels several times over a period of hours.

9. Thyroid Scan
A thyroid scan is an image made of the thyroid gland after you have swallowed a small amount of radioactive iodine. Because the thyroid naturally uses iodine to produce some of its hormones, it absorbs the radioactive substance. This substance emits energy and allows the image to be made. The image will show if the thyroid gland is enlarged and overactive.
Thyroid scans are often used to diagnose hyperthyroidism, and to investigate thyroid nodules.

10. TSH Blood Test
Thyroid Stimulating Hormone (TSH) is made by the pituitary gland. It normally stimulates the thyroid to produce its hormones. In hypothyroidism, TSH is not used by the thyroid, and its levels remain high in the blood. A TSH blood test checks for increased levels of this hormone.
A TSH blood test is a common and important test for diagnosing hypothyroidism, a condition in which the thyroid gland produces fewer hormones than the body needs.

----------------------------------------------

Now. I KNOW that not all of these would be tests that an endo would send me for, but it certainly doesn't explain why I've only ever had 1 of these tests done, especially when I have so many other symptoms of endocrine-related disorders!!!!!

Hope is the thing with feathers... that flies away when you least expect.

I will admit it: I've shut down.

The trip to the endocrinologist was not what I expected. I expected testing and numbers and diagrams and questions and worries and the most deadly thing to expect........ answers.

I was not given any of this. Instead, I had a prissy nurse talk to me about eating healthy and how to take care of myself better. I wish I could say that she gave me some helpful advice or that something clicked, but it's words that I've heard a thousand times before. But then, a tiny glimmer.... While looking at my chart, she asked me, "I wonder...... do you have Hypothyroidism?"

Now, for those who don't know, hypothyroidism is when your thyroid, a gland that creates hormones, is underactive. The thyroid controls things such as:  metabolism, growth, body temperature, muscle strength, appetite, and the health of your heart, brain, kidneys, and reproductive system.

Some symptoms of hypothyroidism are (I've only left the ones I experience and am comfortable sharing. There's a few that are beyond personal)

Fatigue

Weakness

Weight gain or increased difficulty losing weight

Dry, rough pale skin

Cold intolerance (you can't tolerate cold temperatures like those around you)

Muscle cramps and frequent muscle aches

Depression

Irritability

I tell her promptly that I had been placed on a thyroid medication years ago (levothyroxine). I explain that I was on it for nearly 2 months, was sent back for more bloodwork (TSH, T3, and T4) at which point the doctor told me that my levels were fine and that I no longer needed medication.

At this point, the endocrinologist nurse looks at me like I have 3 heads. I.About.Lost.It. I AM NOT the one who made that decision. I AM NOT the one who prescribed and then removed the medication.

We went on to discuss medications and I talked about the Byetta shot. Byetta is used to treat diabetes- although an injection, it is not an insulin. She asked if I had lost any weight while taking it, and I answered that I had lost my appetite and would have to force myself to eat anything. She snidely remarked, "Well, that's your problem. You still made yourself eat." To which I snapped, "Well, forgive me if I'm wrong, but you can't just starve yourself!"

F.R.U.S.T.R.A.T.I.O.N.

Don't judge me with your size 4 body and perfectly veneered teeth. I'm a normal human being. I eat, and I enjoy eating. I do occasionally go out to dinner with friends. I almost ALWAYS bring half of my meal home in a box. I do cook, and I greatly enjoy cooking! But that DOES NOT mean that I am a pathetic excuse who gorges every night and who can't count or even comprehend calories.

The doctor finally came in and all he wanted to talk about was my sugar. At least we were past the weight issue, I suppose. Of course, he told me to lose weight, as well. Well, no kidding? Now, I'm on a new injection: Bydureon. Bydureon is pretty much the same type of medication as Byetta, except is's a slow- release medication, meaning that it'll stay in my system over a duration of time and hopefully regulate my sugar instead of shoot- gone, shoot- gone, etc.

I've been taking the shots for 4 weeks, and although I am seeing my sugars go a little lower, they're still IMMENSELY high. My average is 230. But, considering the average was above 300, that's definitely an improvement, just not ENOUGH of one. . .

I have a follow up appointment soon, so cross your fingers that hopefully we'll do some more digging.

The Sweet Deal

So. Why am I starting this page now.

Tomorrow, I embark on a new and scary journey: I'll be meeting with an Endocrinologist.
I'm hoping that this will give me answers, some way, some how.

To fully get into this though, there has to be some background information. . .

As a child, I was active, and fun. Knobby knees and lanky legs up until the end of high school. I was skinny, blonde, and happy. It's hard for most people to pinpoint when that changes, when they know that they were no longer the way they were, but for me, it's incredibly easy. When I was 18 and a senior in high school, I gained almost 40 lbs. My 5'2" frame jumped from 120 lbs. to almost 160. I had a VERY hard time dealing with this, as it seemed nothing changed with my lifestyle and there was no reason for this drastic gain. I was in gym class, working out at home, very active outside with lawn work and doing things with friends and my baby sisters. I was in marching band and was always running around for games or other activities. Even though it sucked,  I could still deal with the new, but slightly chubby, version of me.

Fast forward, and college happened. My first year was stressful. My first room was a double sized room with 3 people pushed into it. It.Was.A.Mess. I had a loft bed, which meant that I literally had one small area of the room- tiny closet, desk under my bed, and my bed. One of my roommates drank all the time and kept alcohol in the room regularly. She also had countless guys into the room- one night, I even woke up while she was having sex in the room while I was sleeping! The other roommate was from my home area, also in band with me, but had her own stressors- she was dating a very dangerous and highly scary boy who was very verbally and physically abusive towards her. I moved out as fast as I could. My next roommate has become a close frend, although living with her for the first year was a nightmare- she was one of those kids who goes to college and learns what it means to have freedom. I had a lot of late nights, a lot of stress, and a lot of headaches, haha. But, I was happy that I didn't gain any more weight. I think all of the walking to classes really did help.

My sophomore year started off great. I was with my third roommate, and was challenging myself to do well. She was an honors student, so I thought living with her would be the push I needed. I tried. I began to get overwhelmed with a few of my classes, and didn't know that it would be easy to drop them or change them- I thought I'd be stuck in them where I was, which made me miserable. I began to get sick a lot, which I contribute to dormitory living. But it wasn't "horrible" persay. I gained a little more weight, but noticed I also wasn't losing any, despite still being just as active and not really changing any of my habits in eating, besides maybe eating a bit later than I'd have liked some nights due to late classes. I noticed, though, that I started having a lot of trouble waking. I would be incredibly sluggish, sometimes forgetting what day it was, was falling asleep in my classes, wouldn't wake up to my alarm going off, or even worse, would get up and turn the alarm off without knowing it. I would talk in my sleep and not know it. It got so bad that at one point I went to the campus nurses to ask about it. I don't remember the outcome, as I'm pretty sure nothing happened, but felt like I was on my own to just figure it out. I ended the year well enough, but was still battling the sleep issues.

Then, my junior year, it all went to shit. My grandfather was diagnosed with cancer. I lost my job in my dorm and had to move into a new building where I didn't know anyone. My former roommate and best friend stopped talking to me pretty much. I was alone, depressed, angry, hurt, and miserable. I almost failed out of all of my classes, I lost financial aid, and I was all around just incredibly depressed. I was in a deep funk. After my grandfather died, I lost about 20 lbs. but not in a healthy way - I had just stopped eating. I was having a VERY hard time waking up and was tired.all.the.time. I cried all.the.time. I started seeing campus counseling, but felt that they weren't helping. Then, I was taken to the hospital one night for intense pains in my side- I thought for sure it was my appendix. Come to find out, I had a hemorrhagic ovarian cyst. What this means is that a cyst is filled with blood. It was INCREDIBLY painful. This lead to a few new doctor's appointments, more cysts being found, and starting on a BC pill. the BC pill can often lead to.... yep, you guessed it, weight gain. :-/

Fast forward to now. It took about 6 years for me to double in weight from the beginning of my senior year. I am still tired all the time. I've been for sleep studies (nothing was found except that I snore like crazy), blood tests, thyroid tests (enlarged, but nothing to worry about and nothing abnormal in an ultrasound scan), have had surgery for a deviated septum and have had my gallbladder removed due to cholesterol ribbons that were forming and causing pain.

I've been on Metformine (1000 mg), Januvia (50 mg), and for a while was taking Byetta, then Victoza shots. Now, my doctor is talking insulin.

I've tried diets, excersize routines, bought new workout equipment (and used it!), tried a paleo diet and cut out all processed foods, have stopped drinking soda and started calorie counting. . . you name it, I feel like I've done it.

And.It's.Not.Done.A.Damn.Thing.

I haven't been able to lose any weight. My A1C has gone up, not down. I'm still battling depression and as of late self-loathing. I'm still tired.all.the.time. I have frequent headaches.

So tomorrow, I embark on a new journey with an endocrinologist who studies diabetes and hormone related issues. I am PRAYING that there are some answers. I can't believe I'm about to say it, but I hope that something is wrong so that I finally feel like IT CAN BE CORRECTED.

The laughing joke with myself and my friends and family is that I'm a control freak. It's true- I like to ensure that I have control of things. That things are going how I want them to. That I know what's happening in my life.

But the most frustrating thing in the world is feeling like I have no control over my own body.

Hi, my name is ... and I'm a diabetic.

I am a diabetic.

There was a time when I wouldn't say that word out loud. I was afraid to admit it, and I was ashamed, and afraid of what it meant for me.

In Spring 2010, I became a statistic.

25.8 million children and adults in the United States—8.3% of the population—have diabetes.

There were 1.9 million new cases of diabetes are diagnosed in people aged 20 years and older in 2010.

12.6 million, or 10.8% of all women aged 20 years or older have diabetes.

I am an American female, now 28 years old, overweight, and diabetic.

And I feel like I have no control over my own life.




I am starting this blog to begin to chronicle a little bit of what I'm going through, in the hopes that maybe someone, somewhere, somehow will find this page and it will not only help myself but help them as well.

Diabetes will not become my death sentence. I refuse it.